Stop & Shop's Vital Regions?
by czaplabtheswagmonster
Summary: Ten-year-old Antonio spends some time in Stop & Shop. Sexily. SPAMANOOOOOOO


SEIZING THE GROCERY STORE'S VITAL REGIONS

*cue ominous music*

There are two main differences between the Feliciano/Lovino/Matt/Alfred/Ludwig/Gilbert variety of children, and the Antonio/Francis variety of children.

The first is that not one of the Feliciano & Co. variety is a convicted pedophile. (Gilbert's trial is next week.)

The second is that Feli & Co. all have parent-type-things keeping them under control. Antonio, on the other hand, does all his grocery shopping himself.

At the extremely mature (note sarcasm) age of ten.

And, being a totally mature ten-year-old, he was currently occupied racing shopping carts up and down the aisles. Sexily. Because Antonio Fernandez Carriedo was sexy from the moment he was born.

"POR SPARTAAAAA!"

Toni whizzed sexily past the bread and the condiments, hair blowing back sexily in the wind. He smiled sexily, raising his hand sexily to a giggling nine-year-old girl holding a can of whipped cream. Her poopy-headed mother gave him a deathglare, but it had no impact on his sexy demeanor. Sexiness rolled off of him in waves.

He sexily turned the cart, which he had dubbed his Armada, as he came sexily to the end of the aisle, and sexily came to a stop. The next aisle had a small toys section, and there was some kid in a green Cub Scouts uniform with blonde hair down to his shoulders browsing. He looked up, saw Toni, and immediately pointed a Nerf gun in the ten-year-old's general direction. "Die, you poopyhead!" he howled in an accent. A little girl who looked almost exactly like the boy glanced nervously at her (presumed) brother, chewing on her fingernails nervously.

Nothing can stop the Spanish Armada! Toni sexily got a running start and sexily hopped onto the back of his Armada, sexily racing past the boy, sexily flashing a peace sign and winking at the girl, and sexily dodging the foam balls that the Cub Scout fired off at him. He sexily turned into the next aisle, narrowly missing a collision with a poopy-headed Coca-Cola display, and promptly was halted in his tracks.

Toni sexily looked forward in confusion. He didn't see anything that could've stopped him. Then he heard the voice.

"You nearly hit my little brother!" a very young girl snapped indignantly. "You poopyhead! I hate you!" This was accompanied by a loud wailing from a similar-sounding voice.

Toni sexily hopped off the Armada and walked around. He saw two little girls, dressed in boys' clothing and nearly identical-looking, except for a slight difference in hair shade and curls on different sides of their heads. One was curled up on the ground with her mouth wide open, crying. The other was standing right in front of the Armada, with an angry look on her face. Her foot was on the back of a small boy with big blue eyes and brown hair with a bit sticking up, who was wedged underneath one of the wheels of the Armada, effectively stopping it.

Hmm. It feels like there's someone missing in this description.

Guess not.

"Hi!" smiled Toni sexily. "You are cute! Would you like to be my girlfriend?"

THIRTY SECONDS LATER…

"AND I'M A BOY!" shouted the little gir-uh, boy.

Toni sexily rubbed his nose and sexily hauled himself up off the floor. Ow. "That wasn't very nice, sweetie!"

"My name's not 'sweetie'," growled the boy.

"Then what is it?"

"WHAT IS THIS, THE SPANISH INQUISITION?" he howled. His face was deeply red with anger.

"Ah, the Spanish Inquisition," Toni mumbled to himself dreamily. "Good times."

In the meantime, the boy under the Armada's wheel blinked up at the tomato child. "Lovino, can I go now?"

"Yes, Alfred, please get out of here," the boy – Lovino – growled. He removed his foot, and Alfred scampered away.

"Wait up!" Toni thought he heard a quiet voice call. He sexily glanced around curiously, but there was no one. Must've been his imagination.

Toni sexily continued the conversation. "So, little tomato, your name is Lovino?"

"I'm not a tomato!" The tomato's voice squeaked.

"Awwh~ You are cute, Lovi!"

"Don't call me Lovi!"

"…YOU'RE SO CUTE!" Toni sexily glomped Lovino.

"MPFGH!" An angry vein pulsed in Lovino's forehead. He pushed away Toni and–

SMEK!

Antonio sexily kissed the little boy full on the mouth.

Lovi's eyes bulged. His arms flailed. Then Antonio's sexiness kicked in. Lovi turned into a pretty pretty princess and kissed Tonio back and sighed like a complete fangirl when Toni dipped him. Even though their mouths were still attached so sighing was awkward.

And then Lovino's little sister-brother-gender-neutral-chibi-thing pronounced them man and tomato and they rode off into the parking lot in the Armada.

Sexily.

THE END.

**A/N: SO MUCH CRACK (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻**

**Inspired...ish by OwlInAMinor and her unpublished story about the BFT having fun in grocery stores...**

**Reviews please? Your flames are my porn :D**


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